There are two twisted sides to my life that mock my head usually on a daily basis. Something just wants to explode from with in me to start living passionately for something with a point/purpose. My newest obsession is to wake up tomorrow in a casual morning about 5 years in the future with the career I secretly was always capable of achieving, in my loft apartment which is of course exactly the way I intended it looking like, with the temporary love of a gorgeous and witty young man who shares the depth and love for life as I do. I would be planning my large adventure of a year ahead following my career across the world to the United Kingdom. Not only will I of course absorb their accent but their culture and coziness. Something about winter fashion and a new welcoming town of completely new people to create just that hint of feeling that your lifestyle is expanding making reality and dreams to mingle rather triggers me greatly. In my life I must visit Paris for a month or two, no particular reason though but honestly… who wouldn’t want to. With that motive, I have to do the same thing with Scotland but more because the fact that a good portion of my family calls Scotland home. Thinking about all this makes me feel the need to doubt myself but I think anybody can achieve anything they put their head into and there is no point holding back when there’s only one true chance to live it the way you’ve always expected and dreamt it to be. Its life changing things like that, that make me feel extremely plain at this point in my life, but it’s worth thinking about to get myself into the right state of mind. So ill start stepping my first stones and see where they lead too (whilst trying my very hardest to keep in a positive state).

Unfortunately I’m at the end of my irreplaceable teenage years. I understand that this is/was the time to shine; no real stresses, no commitments, develop a personality and the freedom etc. This has been the time that I have opened up the most and I plan on continuing that, but I’m pretty bummed it’s over. Fortunately I have the personality of a 5 year old so in some way I get to live like that all again. If you meet me, I doubt you could picture me saying this, let alone me even thinking this with such an unnecessary broad perspective on life. It’s all in my head and not really the sort of conversation you start with people unless they also have this strange string of thought sprinting around their undiscovered mind.

To me love is the most mature emotion. I believe it should not even be brought up at my age. You can say as much as you want about how teen love is so unique and gets you started to you learn from past “broken hearts”. But I feel it’s not till we are at the right age that people will experience that unconditional love that everyone seems to admire and want. I’ll wait as long as I have to, to get that but I know that will be a while.

I don’t exactly know where to go from here but at this point in time, all I should concentrate on is finding the bigger picture of what I roughly want to be doing for the rest of my life. I want to at least have a lot of background and variety with work such as hospitality and beauty…maybe. But also I would love to figure out a major to study for in university like a rare but highly skilled job so that I am needed in a workplace.

Half of that probably didn’t even make sense to anybody but myself.
So I’ll stop, getting tired. These are just some of the many perspectives of my future that I want to work towards grasping… Now I just gotta get my dreams and make it all reality!